Current song: Where Are You Now by Honor Society
You know this feeling when you get hurt and then after a while feel like there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore? You realize that after every hurt, every heartbreak, every failure and every mistake, you’re just ready to go out there and just completely live and not be afraid of getting hurt or making mistakes. You’re just free and ready to take a leap of faith every time it’s called for. Like you’re always ready to take the challenges in store for you. And then you realize that that kind of hurt is a good thing because it made you a stronger and better person. And with better knowledge and lessons learned, you’re gonna do better. You’re gonna be better.
After all the hurt, heartbreaks, sleepless nights, tears, time spent thinking and crying and listening to music you find comfort in and then you finally decide to move on/fight on, and you’re gonna wake up the next day and see life in a whole new perspective and start anew. You’re gonna wake up, not whole and probably not fully healed, but you know someday everything is going to be okay. You won’t probably see life as how you used to; you may probably feel unhappy from time to time; you may feel like there’s something missing; and you may probably feel different. But that’s okay, it’s like a hangover from the night before. You got your heart/ego/self broken, and there will always be a missing piece you’d always try to find and you’d always want to try and fix things. It takes some time getting used to. It takes some time to accept it. It even takes some time to realize that it doesn’t really need fixing. It takes some time to finally get over it and fully move on. But the thing is, you braved to get up from your fall. You saw that sunshine after the rain. It’s all a matter of choice and perspective — life. And it goes on, that’s the way it is.
So I’m thankful of the hurts, the failures, the mistakes I made, the goodbyes I didn’t want to but had to accept, the people who came and went, the people who came and are still there, because they all made me better. They made me and they will always make me who I am.
It doesn’t matter if someone is not in your life anymore. They will always be there. You will always carry them on as you go on life. Even if the ending didn’t really have a proper ending, or closure or you just unpurposely ended the relationship or you just screwed up.
Goodbyes are always sad but I believe goodbyes are temporary. Because somewhere along the way, in one way or another, you will meet. Probably the company won’t be the same as before and probably by then, you both have better and different lives, but you will always remember how you both were once in each other’s lives.
You may forget them — for a month, for a year, for decades — but you don’t really forget. Because we don’t really forget. We just… grow and fall apart.
—
I’m also thankful to technology because it connects bridges. You see some old friends and you see them all grown and happy leading different lives but they never forget. Some would want to reminisce and some would ask how life is. Some would want you to meet and hang-out, like the old days. Some you did not really talk to then, would. They even actually asked for a reunion which no one wanted to organize so I presented myself. I’ve actually got a few old friends like that. A few worth keeping. 
And then you’d know how they looked and searched for you everywhere just to find you and just catch up and see how things are. Or you’d even see them unexpectedly somewhere, and someone would shout your name out of nowhere and you’d be like “OMG!” But some, I don’t really know and didn’t hear much of. But people, still willing to be in your life no matter how long you were apart, are the kind of people worthy to be in it.
People, when they want to be in a person’s life, will make an effort to be in it. But if they don’t, no matter how much you try to reach out, they won’t. And those are the kind of goodbyes that are sad and heartbreaking but, you can’t really do anything about it, unless they want to do something about it. But see how goodbyes are temporary? Because just somewhere.. somewhere along the way, in this small small world, you will always meet.
Because we don’t really forget. We just… grow and fall apart.
And yes, that[falling apart] is a choice. So you don’t say you didn’t want that, because you did. I didn’t, but because you did, I had to let us fall apart because I couldn’t do anything about it anymore. Don’t even say I didn’t do anything about it though, because I did do something about it. I continuously was trying to reach out, but you didn’t. Because you didn’t want to. And my no-choice was because of your choice.
Probably, we misunderstood each other. We got different messages across at some point. But you should’ve talked to me to clear things. I wanted to. But you didn’t. So how can I converse with someone who do not even want to talk? Useless. No message will get across and no things will be cleared that way. Thank you, for your silence. I probably get it. So I’m gonna stay silent too. Even if it kills, but you wanted it that way. Can’t push that.
“Of all goodbyes, the kind that which hurt the most was the one your ears never heard of, yet your heart knew it’s already been said…”
That did really hurt. After all is said and done, I’m not sure if the fighting to keep the friendship is worth it anymore. And if it ever was worth it.
